‘News’ from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard: Following Hong Kong’s annual pro-democracy protests, Chinese premier Xi Xinping has announced that HK Chief Executive CY Leung’s weekly ‘alcove regeneration sessions’ will now be take place daily. Previously, Leung had received direct instructions from Beijing every Friday evening during hour-long ‘download’ stints in his CCP recharge pod. After each download is complete, Leung is able to retake human form and pander to the mainland for another 7 days…
Yesterday’s decision to increase the frequency of sessions comes after a number of embarrassing ‘subservience malfunctions’. The latest of which resulted in an error loop causing Leung to continually repeat ‘no comment’, ‘no comment’ after he was unable to locate instructional algorithms marked ‘Snowden’.
This continued until advisers turned him off and on again.
Leung, who has to be plugged in overnight, also suffered a system freeze recently whist ‘smug mode’ was engaged during a graduation ceremony…
Earlier this year, some pan-democrats expressed shock that HK’s CE is a crudely constructed android and voiced concern that Leung may, at some point, become self-aware and devour Regina Ip. Leung kept a low profile during yesterday’s 430,000 strong demonstration in order that the necessary firmware upgrades could be installed at the China Liaison Office in Sheung Wan.
More breaking news bullshit from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard…
- China Apologises Unreservedly to Tiananmen Victims; Offers Compensation.
- Colgate to Relaunch Racist Toothpaste ‘Darkie’.
- CY Launches Anti-Corruption Agency to Monitor Anti-Corruption Agency.
- Eddie Snowden ‘Dreadful to Live With’ says Relieved Safehouse Flatmate.
- Giant Duck Contracts Lung Cancer in Harbour; has Existential Crisis.
- New Harbour Crossing as Island & Kowloon To Be Linked by Cable Car.
- Robotic CY Leung Recharge Pod Sessions to Increase.
- The Standard vs. The Sub-Standard: Battle of the Logos.
- Update: Giant Duck Finally Succumbs to Lung Cancer.
Consult the Hong Wrong Mega-Index for more.