‘NEWS’ – Eddie Snowden ‘Dreadful to Live With’ says Relieved Safehouse Flatmate 8


eycwfAr.png (258×73)‘News’ from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard: A local who offered secure accommodation to US whistleblower Edward Snowden expressed relief at his departure from the territory yesterday. “Eddie had been in our maid room for 3 weeks, I don’t know if he had cabin fever or something but he was really starting to do my head in”, said Snowden’s housemate known only as Mr Chen.

Snowden made a series of revelations this month regarding a top secret US spying programme codenamed Prism. Chen advertised his spare room on Craigslist but immediately regretted shacking up with Snowden… “He rarely cleaned up, was constantly online, often blared European trance music and I think he must’ve taken the bins out, like, what? Twice?

Chen, a tax auditor residing in Western district, also resented having to respond to Snowden’s increasingly bizarre demands. “After a server at the 7/11 downstairs recognised him from his viral vid, Eddie had me bring up food and drink, porn, tons of tin foil, cat6 Ethernet cabling, Spanish phrasebooks and copious amounts of Pocky. This guy was obsessed with Pocky.”

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According to Chen, the 30-year-old fugitive became increasingly angry when asked to pitch-in with household chores. “Whenever I asked him to wash up, he angrily told me to stop oppressing him, insisting I was a ‘cog in the military-industrial complex’. And when he did do it, I swear he did it badly so I wouldn’t ask again “

There was also a breakdown in trust early on in the flat-sharing arrangement. “Eddie went and revealed our door code on Facebook and he’d constantly enter my room without knocking. He had zero respect for my privacy, which is pretty ironic.” Their relationship hit a new low after Chen unsuccessfully organised a birthday party last Friday for Snowden, who described the lonely gathering as ‘depressing‘. Chen is now re-advertising his spare room, prioritising tenants that are not on the run from transnational security agencies.

The news came just days after journalists demanded fresh photos of Snowden, complaining that there are so many times they can use The Guardian video stills as photos, photos of newspaper front pages depicting said photo or photos of people watching TVs displaying the photo.

Sash! – Ecuador

More breaking news bullshit from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard:


  • Polito

    Tin foil so the government satellites can’t read his thoughts ?

    • Tom

      Yes – was the reference too subtle?
      (Apparently, it’s true he barricaded doors and wore a hoodie when logging in online!)

    • SYH

      That’s what THE MAN wants you to think. However–as anyone living in the boonies can attest–if you want to improve reception, you wrap your TV’s rabbit ears in tinfoil.

  • Polito

    Tin foil so the government satellites can’t read his thoughts ?

    • Tom

      Yes – was the reference too subtle?
      (Apparently, it’s true he barricaded doors and wore a hoodie when logging in online!)

    • SYH

      That’s what THE MAN wants you to think. However–as anyone living in the boonies can attest–if you want to improve reception, you wrap your TV’s rabbit ears in tinfoil.

  • Christina

    “Eddie had me bring up food and drink, porn, tons of tin foil, cat6 Ethernet cabling, Spanish phrasebooks and copious amounts of Pocky” Eddie is horny? 😀

  • Christina

    “Eddie had me bring up food and drink, porn, tons of tin foil, cat6 Ethernet cabling, Spanish phrasebooks and copious amounts of Pocky” Eddie is horny? 😀