Breaking ‘News’ from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard: Hong Kong leader CY Leung has announced that the city will make a bid for the 2022 Winter Olympic Games. At a press conference this morning, he told reporters, “Wanchai is colder than Sochi right now and we’ve got money to burn so fuck it – we’ll apply.“
Developers around the city are already bidding to transform Hong Kong’s infrastructure as the sub-tropical city competes against bids from Poland, Norway, Ukraine and Beijing. Tourism chief James Tien Pei-chu expects to attract up to 10 million extra visitors during the games, claiming that residents are “pleading to welcome more tourists.”
Construction companies have been invited to submit proposals to redevelop the Peak Tram as a year-round ski slope…
Whilst Tsim Sha Tsui’s Cultural Centre is destined to become a ski jump…
The government has already confirmed that White Elephant Construction LTD will be granted a contract to transform Jordan’s bowling club into a curling venue and West Kowloon’s typhoon shelter into a permanent ice rink…
It is thought that the Mid-Levels escalator would be home to a new bobsled circuit, though officials admitted that visitors will be able to replicate the experience simply by hopping on the Sai Kung to Mongkok minibus.
The news comes after the city suffered lows of 5 degrees Celsius this week. The Observatory issued a cold weather warning on Monday as Tin Shui Wai resident Alexa Tong told Hong Wrong, “I’m sick of this Frosty the Snowman bullshit. I’m farting snowflakes back here and can’t feel my face.”
Temperatures were so low yesterday that Hong Kong politicians actually had their hands in their own pockets.
Meanwhile, Canadian teacher Simon Canham complained “I don’t why folks leave windows open at work all day. My nipples could cut glass. At least in Toronto we have goddamn heating.”
Breaking news nonsense from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard…
- China Apologises Unreservedly to Tiananmen Victims; Offers Compensation.
- Colgate to Relaunch Racist Toothpaste ‘Darkie’.
- CY Launches Anti-Corruption Agency to Monitor Anti-Corruption Agency.
- Eddie Snowden ‘Dreadful to Live With’ says Relieved Safehouse Flatmate.
- Giant Duck Contracts Lung Cancer in Harbour; has Existential Crisis.
- New Harbour Crossing as Island & Kowloon To Be Linked by Cable Car.
- Philippines Demands Formal Apology and Compensation from Beijing.
- Robotic CY Leung Recharge Pod Sessions to Increase.
- The Standard vs. The Sub-Standard: Battle of the Logos.
- Update: Giant Duck Finally Succumbs to Lung Cancer.