Breaking ‘News’ from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard: Relatives of Rizalina Bunyi, a Filipino killed in Monday’s ‘terror attack’ at Tiananmen Square, have demanded an official apology and compensation from Beijing. Protesters in Manila also called for a full apology from Premier Xi Jinping whilst insisting their own government ‘send Chinese workers home’.
Communist Party officials responded today stating that the incident was isolated and instigated by lone wolves. Acting Beijing Mayor, Wang Anshun, maintained that the threats of economic sanctions amounted to ‘bullying’ and that “it would be unusual, inappropriate and absurd for the Chinese Premier to kowtow to the Filipino people over a freak episode.”
Philippines president, Benigno Aquino, hoisted a ‘black travel alert’ advising citizens to avoid all parts of China. “Our people will never forget October 28th, 2013. China’s government must tell the truth and take responsibility for the security lapse and professional failures of the Honour Guards,” he told reporters.
Bereaved Hong Kong families affected by the Manila hostage crisis were offered US$75,000 by the Philippines this week. However, Jinping has refused to formally apologise or meet with Aquino, promising compensation of only US$6,449 – equal to the sum given by the Philippines government to families when soldiers are killed in action.
Yesterday, Premier Xinping was accosted by incensed Filipino journalists shouting questions about compensation. He later admitted that “Filipinos are barely real people, so this amount is about right for brown folks,” adding that “the Philippines should not punish Chinese migrant workers – they had nothing to do with this.”
Elton John – Sorry Seems the Be The Hardest Word
It’s satire, morons! …More breaking news bullshit from the Hong Wrong Sub-Standard:
- China Apologises Unreservedly to Tiananmen Victims; Offers Compensation.
- Colgate to Relaunch Racist Toothpaste ‘Darkie’.
- CY Launches Anti-Corruption Agency to Monitor Anti-Corruption Agency.
- Eddie Snowden ‘Dreadful to Live With’ says Relieved Safehouse Flatmate.
- Giant Duck Contracts Lung Cancer in Harbour; has Existential Crisis.
- New Harbour Crossing as Island & Kowloon To Be Linked by Cable Car.
- Robotic CY Leung Recharge Pod Sessions to Increase.
- The Standard vs. The Sub-Standard: Battle of the Logos.
- Update: Giant Duck Finally Succumbs to Lung Cancer.